What is it? A beast that sits on my shoulders. A darkness in my gut that feeds on rage and feels happy and excited when I get furious, when I yell, when I succumb to flashes of dagger-like emotions that replace everything else that makes up me. It’s how I’ve been relating to the world. It delights in being mean and in snappy but demeaning wit. It is bravado. It hurts people and makes me not care, and sometimes even find it funny (Omg, get over it! Grow a pair! etc.).
It’s something that needs to change. It’s something I don’t want ruling my life anymore. It’s time to see how else I can see the world. It’s time to heal.